Bed Time Turns To Tears
Well I made it through my first week of my temp job. It had it’s ups and downs but I am starting to get the hang of it. My husband is on a men’s river trip for about four days. It is always hard with him gone. It is nice that I have the car though. When he leaves he leaves his share of work for me to do. I have been so stressed at work, so for him to put all his burdens on me I am one big ball of stress. One of his jobs is building websites and hosting them. There has been a slight problem with the server he has been using where it will randomly crash. When this happens the websites also crash. So I have to put in a ticket so the server will be fixed. It usually takes a few minutes but it stresses me out. The day my husband left the server crashed twice! Once at 4 in the morning. When this happens I get a automated phone call to let me know so I can fix it quickly. At 4 in the morning I was dead asleep since I crashed as soon as I put my daughter to bed. I was so shaken up by the call and trying to fix the server I was literately shaking for 30 minutes afterwards. Luckily today everything was fine with it. Trying to Conceive when I am this stressed out is not in my favor. I am trying so hard to stay cool, calm and collected but it is near impossible until my husband is home.
Tonight I had my normal routine at night. I had my daughter brush her teeth and then pick out a book for me to read to her before bedtime. She picked a book called “You Are My Wish Come True”. It is an adoption themed book about a mommy bear telling her baby bear how he is her wish come true. I talked to my daughter after the book about how she is my wish come true. I briefly talked about her being adopted but since she still doesn’t quite grasp the understanding of adoption. I will talk more about that next month since it is Adoption Awareness month. She asked if I would be so happy if I had a baby in my tummy and I told her I would. Out of nowhere she started to cry. I thought it was because I wanted a baby. It was quite the opposite. She said that she wanted her baby brother so bad. I tried to hold back my tears but couldn’t. (I’m always so emotional when my husband is away. He is great at distracting my thoughts and making me laugh.) I explained to her that we are trying really hard but sometimes it is hard for a mommy and a daddy to get pregnant and they need help from the doctors. She said I just need to drink more water. I laughed and said I would. Then she told me she wants to pray to God. So we closed our eyes and I started, “Dear God” I told her to go on and say what she wanted to pray about. She said ” Dear God, I want my baby brother please.” I added “Thank you” for good measure and “amen”. This kid warms my heart. I kissed her and told her she was my wish come true again. She then drew a picture of me with a big pregnant belly.