Pain In The Legs And In My Wallet!
This past 4th of July my family along with some of my husbands family went to Arizona for a quick trip. We decided on the 4th itself to go tubing down the salt river. My husband and I have done it before so we gladly agreed. My daughter’s great grandma watched her at the hotel while we went. I read several times about the dangers of the sun while tubing and to continue to reapply sunscreen while out on the river. So taking that to heart we all put sunscreen on before we go on our tubes and brought it with us along the way.
Everyone passed around the sunscreen and put it on but I must have not done it enough or sprayed it over wet legs because the only thing on me that was burnt was my legs and a small spot on my shoulders. I didn’t get burnt I was literately cooking my poor legs.
Not so happy the rest of the trip. I couldn’t sleep that night because my legs were not only sensitive to touch but they throbbed with pain. They hurt so bad that I couldn’t even put my weight on them. It took me thirty minutes to get up to use the bathroom. If I stood up it felt like I had 10 pound weights tied to my mussels pulling my legs down. It was such an intense pain. So while everyone was out having fun in the pool I was stuck in bed most of the day. We are back now and I’m slowly healing. But my right leg still hurts a bit it when from intense sunburn to now feeling like it was chewed up by a wild dog. Not sure if that is better. My feet were also swollen for a few days. I had to hide them under some baggy clothes if I went out.
On another note we went to the fertility doctor for the first time. They asked a few questions and did a very uncomfortable ultrasound on me. (which showed that my inside is perfect for a baby to grow.) I really could have told them that. So really we paid $300 for them to tell us what we already know. Then they gave us a list of test they want to do to me to “make sure” all is fine, and the one test we know that a guy needs to take. But do they do all these test at the clinic? NO! (only a few and it would be 10x more). They told me I need to call around town to get all these tests and they all cost about $100 some more. Then when we get all these test done we can come back and talk about spending even more money with them so I can “Maybe” have a baby gown in me. I knew this is what was going to happen and that we have to do this in stages but I wanted to break down and cry at this point.
All these tests and hundreds if not thousands of dollars to maybe have a baby. Yes it will be worth it but it is still painful. Everywhere I go I see pregnant woman and I know at least 90% of them got pregnant with out all the tests and money. Why do I have to be in the 10%. Why does it have to be that way? Why do I have to see my husband hold back his pain and hurt that it is him and not me? It just isn’t fair I have waited almost 10 years to hold my son and now I have to wait more because we are in the 10%. My heart hurts every time I think about it. I really try not to think about it but I can’t help it. For 10 freaking years that is what I think about most. Even when I look into my adopted daughters eyes and think how blessed I am to have her. Some women in the 10% don’t even have the honor to have an adopted child. I just don’t understand why it has to cost so much? If it is really serious and I would have to get IVF (Which I know it’s not since my eggs are fine) It would cost $12-24,000! That is as much as adoption! How selfish would I feel to spend that much on bringing a birth child into this world when so many need a home. But at the same time I understand why they do it. The ability to create is the strongest feeling a woman can have. I feel it pulling as I write this. It makes my throat tight and my heart hurt.
Well that is my thoughts for today. Hug an TTC friend today you have no idea how much they need it even if they are all smiles. I feel like I am always going to break down. I need a girls night out.